First Thing Monday #54
This week we battle for boundaries at work, question Spotify's influence on our music habits, and learn why being nice isn't always kind 🕴🏻🎧😊
❤️ Good morning! The weather in North Carolina stays unpredictable, which is fitting for a week when I've been thinking about change. Thank you for being here!
FTM is a newsletter that includes a recap of all the news you need to know to make better career decisions. Each issue also includes four tips for improving your relationships at work and a deep dive into a pressing topic. Issues come out on Monday mornings!
❓ Have a work question or topics you’d like us to discuss? Drop me a line 📱 simply reply to this email or leave a comment below!
I’m Jon Cochran, a workplace sociologist with over 16 years of experience leading sales, operations, and product development teams and working with brands like J.Crew, Hilton, and Duke University. I want to provide resources to help you take control of your career and maximize your satisfaction in the workplace.
⏰ What to read before your first meeting:
The Right Way to Look for a New Job (The Atlantic): Evidence-based guidance shows that while switching jobs creates significant stress (about half as much as divorce and 50% more than quitting smoking), job changers typically see a lasting increase in satisfaction from 4.5 to 5.5 on a 7-point scale. Four main "quests" motivate job changes: escaping dead-end situations, regaining control over work conditions, seeking better respect/recognition (with 54% of American workers feeling disrespected by bosses), and taking the next step in personal growth. Key considerations include biological resistance to change (the brain prefers familiar routines), personality factors (conscientious people are often more reluctant to switch jobs), and the risks of staying in an unfulfilling position. It can be helpful to focus on specific sources of dissatisfaction rather than viewing changes as a panacea, and to seek improvement rather than perfection in new positions.
My Company Is a Great Place to Work … for Everyone But Me (The Cut): An overworked employee's situation highlights a common workplace dynamic: when capable people consistently accommodate unreasonable demands, they unintentionally signal to management that excessive workloads are sustainable. Even in companies with good benefits and culture, individuals who prove themselves reliable often become the go-to problem solvers, leading to burnout while others maintain healthier work-life boundaries. Workload issues persist not because management refuses to help, but because they don't feel the urgency to change when everything keeps functioning. The solution isn't to repeatedly ask for relief, but to actively set and maintain firm boundaries about what can be accomplished within reasonable hours. Those who possess unique expertise and handle critical responsibilities often have more leverage than they realize – making it unlikely they'll face serious consequences for establishing reasonable work limits. Success comes from both announcing and consistently enforcing these boundaries, just as other colleagues naturally do by declining excessive work and maintaining regular hours.
The Insidious Charms of the Entrepreneurial Work Ethic (The New Yorker): Work culture has transformed from one of company loyalty to what Erik Baker calls the "entrepreneurial work ethic" - where workers are pushed to be perpetual hustlers, self-promoters, and personal brands. This shift, visible in LinkedIn's performance art of corporate inspiration posts and "Me Inc." mantras, promises liberation through entrepreneurship but actually serves as a coping mechanism for economic instability. While companies encourage employees to "bring their whole selves to work," the reality is more transactional: each person operates as a company of one in an increasingly precarious job market where every hobby or interest is encouraged to be turned into a business.
Picking your battles when you are hyper-rational (Wes Kao’s Newsletter): Prioritizing technical correctness over effectiveness is a common pitfall among "hyper-rational" professionals in their day-to-day communications.
demonstrates how the impulse to correct minor misunderstandings or provide extensive context may hinder productive communication. While being technically correct matters, it shouldn't come at the expense of achieving the primary objective—working together. To improve communication effectiveness, one should evaluate whether explanations serve the conversation's goal or merely satisfy one's ego. Maintain focus on the bigger picture by considering three critical questions before responding: whether the explanation advances the goal, whether the context genuinely helps the other person, and whether the response serves the conversation or one's ego.The two most important motivators turn out to be “team” and “purpose” (The HR Director Magazine): Companies frequently misuse perks and benefits as quick fixes for workplace satisfaction, but these superficial solutions quickly lose their appeal. True workplace motivation comes from excellent leadership, strong team dynamics, and a clear sense of purpose. Money itself stops being a motivator once basic needs are met, and can even become a demotivator if pay inequity exists. One fundamental problem is promoting technically skilled employees into management roles simply to retain them, without considering their temperament or desire to lead - this creates miserable managers and drives away good employees. Ultimately, investing in workplace culture with a sense of purpose isn't just good for morale—it's essential for long-term business success and profitability, particularly during economic downturns.
🚰 The Water Cooler
Two is almost a trend: Timothee Chalamet and I are both big fans of the mini bag.
Congrats to Preeti Waas and the Cheeni Durham team on their James Beard nomination!
If you're from the South, you may be familiar with kudzu. At times I've found it both beautiful and menacing. Then I read about Delia Fian and how she uses kudzu in art and my mind was blown.
While it seems like this new Spotify book, Mood Machine, is mostly good, its central argument is damning: Spotify's use of chill-based playlists and its constant battle against silence affects how we connect with artists and ultimately how they're compensated. Yikes! What’s your take on Spotify’s curated playlists?
📖 Reflections for this week:
This week, we think about leading during stressful times.
For yourself: Leadership requires an understanding of your own emotional bandwidth and triggers. When we're constantly attuned to others' wellbeing, we can easily deplete our own reserves without noticing. Pay attention to personal signs of stress like changes in sleep patterns, difficulty concentrating, or feeling more irritable than usual. Your ability to support others is directly linked to your own emotional resilience. An actionable step is to schedule regular "emotional audits" - block 15 minutes each Friday to reflect on your energy levels and stress indicators, then adjust your following week's commitments accordingly.
For your boss: Your relationship with leadership sets the tone for how psychological safety cascades through the organization. During challenging times, it's crucial to maintain open dialogue about team dynamics while respecting organizational boundaries. Your boss likely faces their own pressures balancing company needs with employee wellbeing, and partnering with them can create more sustainable support systems. Remember that bringing forward solutions alongside concerns helps build trust and demonstrates leadership initiative. Consider scheduling a monthly check-in specifically focused on team morale and wellbeing strategies, coming prepared with both observations and suggested actions.
For your direct report(s): The relationship with your team members requires particular sensitivity during high-stress periods, as they may feel pressure to mask struggles while maintaining performance. Creating space for authentic conversation doesn't mean crossing personal boundaries - rather, it means consistently demonstrating that their wellbeing matters. Watch for changes in communication patterns, engagement levels, or work quality as potential indicators of stress. Consider that each team member processes external pressure differently and may need varying types of support. One effective practice is to incorporate a brief "temperature check" at the start of one-on-ones, using a simple scale of 1-5 to open natural conversations about capacity and support needs.
For your co-workers: These relationships can be powerful sources of support during difficult times, but they require careful navigation to remain healthy and professional. While shared experiences can build stronger bonds, it's important to maintain appropriate boundaries and avoid creating echo chambers of stress. How you can foster a culture of mutual support while still maintaining focus on shared goals and outcomes? Remember that different colleagues will have varying comfort levels with discussing personal impact of external events.
⚡️ And one last thing…
When I worked in retail, my coworker loved to shop for individual pieces without thinking about how they'd fit into her wardrobe. Whenever she asked my opinion on a new piece of clothing, I found myself saying, "Oh, I can see you in that!" It felt like an honest answer–her style was eclectic, so I could definitely see her wearing many things that excited her. But one day she turned to me and asked, "Why do you always say that, that you can see me in something?" I'd been using those words to "protect" her from my true feelings–that I didn't always understand her taste. She seemed so excited whenever something caught her eye, and I didn't want to squash that enthusiasm. But by trying to be nice and spare her feelings, I created a facade she saw right through. She never asked me about another outfit again.
This moment made me reflect on how often I've been nice to someone as a means of avoiding my own discomfort while telling myself I was treating them well. When friends went through rough times, I'd text, "I'm here if you need anything. Let me know how I can help!" and feel like I'd been supportive. But those friends never called, because my seemingly nice offer actually put the burden on them to reach out while they were struggling. I meant to be helpful, but I was just reducing my own discomfort with not knowing how to "be there" for someone.
It took someone else to help me understand what true kindness looks like. During an annual project planning meeting with a colleague, I spiraled into self-deprecating humor about the previous year's mistakes. Sometimes when I get nervous, I talk too much–another coping mechanism for discomfort. But my coworker caught me and said, "You don't have to beat yourself up. Last year was great. Just catch your breath for a second. You know what you're doing." Her words caught me off guard! I was so wrapped up in past mistakes that she brought me right back to the present. Not only did she give me a different perspective, but I felt her genuine care for me. It was kind.
This shift from niceness to kindness has changed how I approach everyday interactions. Take my pet peeve: the long-winded storyteller who includes too many details and side quests (I also do this sometimes). At work, this used to mean smiling and nodding along, mindlessly waiting for the monologue to end. But this past week, instead of performing niceness as a listener, I found myself truly engaging with what my coworker was saying. Rather than dismissing her as confusing, I understood more clearly what she needed. By focusing less on how the conversation affected me and more on making the most of our interaction, we both left the meeting excited about our collaboration.
What I've learned is that kindness requires stepping out of our comfort zones. It means risking real connection over the safety of pleasantries. While being nice might spare us momentary discomfort, it often comes at the cost of genuine relationships. In choosing kindness over niceness, I've found that honesty, even when challenging, creates the space for the connection that we're all really seeking. When have you noticed yourself choosing 'nice' over 'kind'? What helped you recognize the difference?
I hope you get what you want this week!
Follow me on Instagram at @misterfantastik
Please don’t try to leverage Timmy C in the teetiny bag war. SMH.
“The battle against silence” gave me pause. (Spotify) Worded that way it becomes something different to think about and question. I was recently at the beach where a group arrived and decided we all needed to listen to JaRule, instead of the ocean. Or at night, hotel staff would turn down our rooms, putting the tv on some wildly random movie. I found both very off putting.
What are we afraid will be revealed if silence is listened to? Embraced. What does always filling that space do for our souls?
Oh I have come to cherish silence in this wild world.